A More Conscious Love

Heart Letter from Isira

A More Conscious Love

Greetings to you all,

Amid all the ongoing natural disasters and social and political chaos, it is interesting to observe an event that reflects humanity’s belief and hope in things more enchanting. I am referring of course to the Royal Wedding.

Curious, I decided to turn on the television – not a usual choice – to watch. What struck me was the shared sense of hope, anticipation, fascination and even obsession. It was a very real human affair yet, in this case, the common ritual of marriage was elevated to an exalted position.

As I watched I couldn’t help but feel a sense of irony… that perhaps most people are so enamoured by the whole event because it reflects their own deep hope and inner fantasy of the fairy tale union. I do not say this in any way to denigrate the royal family or the solemn act of commitment and faith in their union made by Prince William and The Duchess Katherine.

While many people do not understand the relevance of a monarchy any more, many also do, and the presence and continuation of this dynasty remains a significant reflection of our collective subconscious. We externalize our own need and capacity for mastery and power onto the need for a lofty figure in our lives – one that is a step closer to God, but also a step nearer to our humanness than a Divine manifestation such as Christ. This gives people something to believe in, and the hope that there is still a noble power that will look over them as an unfailing mother or father. However, if such a power were capable of protecting and guiding us for a collective well-being in every way – including economically… how can spending 80 million dollars on something which is ultimately a commitment between one man and one woman and ‘their’ God’ be justified? Does the monarchy take any responsibility for managing/overseeing the coffers… the wealth of the nation for the well-being of the whole? If so, why are there still so many homeless people? Why is poverty and economic stress still a concern? Why? Because we (individually and collectively) still seek to manage and change things externally rather than internally.

Perhaps some of the greatest gifts for the public were words spoken by the men of the church: some poignant reminders of the responsibility we all have in commitment to our self, each other and the world. Timely reminders that we are growing spiritually and that ahead of us may be some of our darkest hours and challenges – as we learn to manage conscientiously the powers we have been given – to prevent our own demise and the destruction of one of the most beautiful creations in the universe: planet earth.

Although those words served well, the primary focus and inspiration for the widespread elation was the fairy tale marriage most of humanity still dreams about… and attempts to live. Though in most cases the journey of marriage is anything but the fairy tale story we imagined. Instead we see an increasing rate of divorce around the world. Personally I feel this is not because people are getting worse at marriages since people have struggled at relating for aeons. But rather that divorce is now more readily accepted as viable and normal.

What I’m getting at is that our notion of marriage and relationships is largely based on beliefs and concepts that are nothing more than fairy tales. We have been fed these fairy tales from the beginning of our childhood. Our child mind from its developing years has already elevated marriage into the fairy tale kingdom… and it is this fairy tale that most people are trying to find or fulfill in their lives – meeting the perfect prince or princess.

On the contrary, relationships or marriages are passages of our own growth and awakening: passages we enter into with another in order to awaken to our Self. The ‘other’ potently reflects back all that we are… especially that which is unconscious. It is this way because most people are constantly looking outside of themselves, disconnected from their own essence, unconscious of the beliefs they have collected, and the construct that has formed as their ego – which ultimately drives all actions – especially those which are fear based. Failing to understand this however results in pain, suffering, confusion and disillusionment, dysfunctional relationships and ultimately divorce.

Perhaps if we could approach relationships with a deeper understanding, a more universal awareness, we could take the journey consciously – knowing it is going to be one about growth… knowing that we have chosen it for that very purpose… knowing that really we did not enter the journey to be swept up in the arms of our Prince/Princess to be carried into a blissful garden of joy ‘til death do us part.’

Not that this means we cannot find divinity in relationships, or bliss and harmony… indeed we can. We can discover the profound depth and beauty of seeing and knowing our self in the ‘other’, knowing oneness in consciousness and in form. We can enter sacred depths that are not found in isolation. We can share the wonders of our journey and the mysteries of the universe.

However our ability to share these more divine qualities is dependent on our ability to willingly transform our own unconscious remnants transparently in the presence of the ‘other’. It requires us to be willingly and supportively present in our partner’s moments of transforming unconsciousness. And to do so without judgments, without attachment or aversion… and clearly without the fairytale glasses.

The insight here is that if you seek greater harmony and bliss in relationships you must seek greater consciousness in your self.

By doing so you withdraw the false hope and expectation that your partner can fulfill the fairy tale dream. You can approach your relating from inside, from the ground… from the presence of now … where you and he/she really are. Notice however the emphasis on the words – in your self.

Sadly, as most people get a taste of higher potential and degrees of spiritual insight they set out to reform their partner, to try to make their partner more conscious. This is still an externalisation – a projection from underlying layers of unconscious beliefs and behaviours, the idea that the problem is outside – in the other person. Although one’s recognition of the partner’s own issues may be true there is only ever the process of self transformation.

‘Other’ transformation does not exist. It is a misnomer. This does not mean that we cannot be catalysed by our interactions with other people. It does mean however that it really is ultimately up to each of us in our self… to realise the insight within our self, to take on the process of transformation in our own consciousness.

By seeking the centre of consciousness in your own being you begin to understand your self truly as you are, not as you imagined – not as the images of stored ideas and beliefs that you collected along the way. The more you know and understand your self as you are the more you can see and understand the ‘other’ as they are – as another aspect of your very own self. With greater understanding comes greater peace, less unrealistic hopes, demands and judgments, and greater harmony. In this way relating becomes truly a journey of joy and love… love that is unconditional rather than love that is bound in illusions and fears.

If it is LOVE it is freedom.

Love does not seek to bind, though it may be deeply honouring and committed.

Love does not demand, though it may request.

Love does not judge, though it will speak honestly.

Love has no expectation, though it may beckon and invite.

Love does not covet, but flows freely wherever it is called.

Love does not hold to the past nor the future, but lives in the presence of now.

So how do you ‘use’ the dynamics in your relationship to deepen this process of self-transformation and Self-realisation?

Firstly, ensure that you take time to your self – both for reflection/meditation and for leisure activities you personally enjoy that are not necessarily your partner’s interests.

Secondly, when you feel ‘triggered’ or annoyed about something your partner says or does, stop – step back and look inside. Take some time to reflect in your self.

Here are some questions you might ask your self:

What feeling does this create in me?

What need do I feel is not being met?

What do I need to see or connect with in myself or in my life (free of dependency on my partner or other) to fulfill this need?

There are various other questions you can reflect on.  The important thing is taking time to reflect.  Ultimately the quest is to discover the source in your self that can allow you to understand and accept what the ‘other’ is reflecting for you – to find the source of what you thought you needed from outside, inside your own being.


There is only ever the process of self-transformation.

If you seek greater harmony and bliss in relationships you must seek greater consciousness in your self.

Ultimately our desire for divine union with another is our desire to be re-united with our Self… to be crystalised as our own being and as the beingness of life. Awakening consciousness is this journey.

As you awaken all that has been unconscious in your self you undergo the alchemy of conscious transformation. As each unconscious aspect is brought into conscious awareness we become more crystallized… leading to a state of totality. When all is conscious, we embody an aware state of wholeness… the realisation of oneness.

It is only through the oneness in our self that we can experience a Divine oneness with another… a sustained encounter of relating as divine union.

As long as you come to any other person in a fractured state – still carrying unconscious aspects of your self, you will perceive those fractures in your relationships.

By understanding this… not judging this, you may simply accept this as part of the journey… you may open your heart and consciousness to the process to see that really… it is all just an adventure of discovery… the rediscovery of what you already are… LOVE.

With profound Love and respect for YOU, for ALL, for ONE